Take me as I am

The shower is my thinking place, it’s where I have my most brilliant of ideas.  Ten minutes after getting out and having finished washing my hair I am kneeling by the side of my bed typing on my prized possession of the week, my new laptop.  I was struck with the idea of starting a blog, not about one thing in particular but about my life in general.

I’m not brilliant, I’m not what you’d call artistic or creative on a regular basis, though I do have moments of brilliance.  I am a suburban housewife and Mum.  I have 4 children under 5.  My eldest will be 5 next month, and my youngest are two year old triplets.  My husband is in the Police Force, and I’m studying full time to be a midwife.  I’m blessed because I have the chance to do all of these things, and do all of them well.  I’m not a superhero, I’m not trying to prove a point to anyone, or to the world in general, but I’m trying to teach my children lifelong lessons on a daily basis.

It’s not uncommon for people to tell me that I’m amazing, it’s embarrassing more than complimentary, but they don’t mean it that way.  People BB (before blog) have had no qualms about commenting on or questioning every aspect of my life; from my fertility to my sleeping habits. 

This blog is about me, this is telling it like it is, it’s me in the raw.  I don’t suffer fools, I love and loathe Facebook with equal passion.  It’s a train wreck that I just can’t pull myself away from.  Aside from studying and parenting, my other focus is my health and weight loss.  Since the triplets were 9 months I have lost 36ish kg’s, I have run a 12km fun run without stopping, I have changed MY world!

Between vaccuming and trying to clean the kitchen and dining floors which show signs of toddlers and meal times from days ago, I am refereeing a fight between Miss 5 and Mr 2 because he’s stolen her bangle while she’s doing other Mr 2’s hair in a game of hairdresser and client.

A lot of random thoughts later while doing various things around the house (hanging out washing is another of my periods of thinking time) and the following post may come across as a bunch of rambling, but should give some insight in to who I am and what I believe (for those who care!)

I haven’t had a particularly easy life, it hasn’t been particularly hard either; but it’s had its challenges.  I’ve seen hatred and anger and jealousy and bitterness destroy people, sometimes people I love.  I’ve seen people have everything, and then have nothing; or more accurately, they have less material possessions than they had before, yet the lessons they take with them means they actually have more in all of the areas that count.  I’ve seen those who have everything lose people they love, money can’t save lives.  I’ve seen people who believe they never had enough, were never given enough; those who believe they’re entitled are the worst ones.  On the flip side I’ve seen love, hope, devotion, forgiveness, friendship, belief and respect.  More often than not, from the people who never had anything, never felt entitled to anything, you see, these people in truth had it all.

I believe in life, I believe in getting out what you put in.  I believe in hard work and not making excuses…. EVER! 

I’ve read blogs about many subjects; weight loss, pregnancy, infertility.  Weight loss is the one people obsess about the most.  Why is that?  Is it important to be strong or be skinny?  To be beautiful inside or outside?  I’ve battled my own weight loss demons, I’ve worked hard, bloody hard to lose weight but I don’t obsess daily about it.  I weigh daily, but I promise not to bore you with what I weigh each day.  Who cares? Who cares how I lose weight?  What method I use?  What works for me may not work for you anyway. 

I have more friends than acquaintances; I’m somewhat of an acquired taste.  I will say what I think, I won’t sugar coat things for you, friend or not, if I believe in what I’m saying I’ll tell you.  That’s not to say I set out to make enemies, but I won’t tell you he’s the best thing in the world if he’s a tosser!  I won’t tell you that it’s a great idea to marry him if he treats you like shit!  If you want a friend who’ll tell you what you always want to hear, then I’m not that person.  I’ll be honest with you, but I’ll never set out to hurt you!

Until recently a big part of my childhood and my life has been missing.  It’s a relationship I grieved for for a long time, yet I have a second chance.  I finally feel completely complete! 

I love large skim mocha’s.  No matter my eating plan, I plan to drink these!  I don’t drink alcohol (save for the odd Jacob’s Creek Mascato), I don’t smoke anymore,  I don’t do recreational drugs, or gamble, I don’t eat copious amounts of chocolate or take away or chips or biscuits or any of those things, but this is my sanity in a cup!

My husband is my best friend, sometimes my biggest enemy, but that’s because he loves me.  I rub him up the wrong way frequently, but he sees far more good in me than bad.  I know how to push his buttons, and I do but it’s not a power game, it comes with knowing someone as well as you know yourself.  Feeling their frustration, their hurt, their hunger, their determination, their success.  It’s pushing them so that you can push yourself.  He’ s my biggest fan, and I’m his.  Seventeen years we’ve been together, that’s half my life.  We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve come through it with a comfortable home and an amazing family.  We’re rewarding ourselves in two weeks with a week in Port Douglas on the Great Barrier Reef.  Our first ‘real’ holiday! The honeymoon we never had. 

I worship my Mum, other than my husband and my kids, she’s my everything.   I’m her only child, my kids her only grandchildren, so we’re her everything too!  She doesn’t bullshit me.  If I’ve put on a couple of kilo’s, she’ll tell me, but not in a bad way, only when I ask!  If I look ridiculous in an outfit, she won’t let me going out looking like a dick.  She doesn’t tell me she loves me or that she’s proud of me, but I know that she does, and I know that she is.  She doesn’t need to tell me, and I don’t feel the need to be told.  She’s always worked hard and she’s always made me proud, as a single Mum she never took handouts; we were the exception where I grew up!  I never went without, EVER!

Losing my Nanna was my biggest loss.  She was my ‘other’ Mum while my Mum worked.  On reflection, maybe my minimal tolerance for bullshit comes from her?  She told it as she sees it, I loved and loathed that, yet maybe I’m just like her?  There’s worse people I could be like!  She’s my childhood of memories; my Christmas mixture, my apricot and chocolate balls, my melting moments, my banana cake or chocolate cake on my birthday, she was my window to real loss and true grief.  Yet she looks over me every single day!  After two and a half years of trying to conceive, I found out on the second anniversary of her death that I was finally pregnant.  When I had a massive blood loss early on, I felt a wave of calm come over me when I smelt her perfume through my bedroom window.  My first daughter carries her name as her middle name.

I like people to be proud of their achievements, and I like to hear about them. It's not being big headed.  Those who work hard and achieve deserve to brag, those who sit on their arse and tell other people how to work after having life handed to them, they're big heads yet they have no life lessons to teach.

Today it ends here, I have lectures to listen to (on the Human Body, I suck at the Human Body!) I have exams this coming week, and the week after, and the week after I get back from Queensland.  I have an assignment to write, I have 4 lunches to pack for tomorrow, I have a uniform to iron, I have a sticky floor to mop, dinner to eat, another load of washing to hang out.  And at some stage, I need to sleep!  I’m not superwoman, I’m just a Mum!